Warren and his wife Cheryl live in West Kansas. They have a grown
son and daughter and another daughter still at home. Warren and Cheryl have
ministered with churches in Florida, Wyoming and Kansas. They have been married
for 27 years. Warren's book, "Roaring Lions, Cracking Rocks, and Other Gems from Proverbs" is an inspirational journey from Proverbs and is on Amazon.
Jesus said, "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be
also" (Luke 12:34). Jesus applies this principle of treasure to spiritual
things: if our
hearts are devoted to God and Christ, we can give up our earthly
possessions for the good of others and the glory of the kingdom. In giving our
hearts to heaven we place our treasure there: our time, energy and money.
Everything we are and everything we have is devoted to the pursuit of heaven.
Dr. Debbie Cherry, a marriage counselor, applies this principle of "treasuring" very creatively to marriage. An experience
common to all married couples is the waning of the warm glow of the wedding,
honey moon, and first months in the new relationship. Anticipation, excitement
and ecstasy give way to schedules, work and stress.
Quickly on the heals of stress come irritants to the relationship: irritability and criticism. Before we couldn't see any faults in
our beloved; that may be all we see now. The treasure of marriage is
diminishing and we become leery of investing more emotional energy into a
relationship that is causing pain. Irritants may soon become major emotional
injuries
that drive people to a divorce or a marriage counselor.
Dr. Cherry says that many couples find marital therapy a very
negative experience. In fact, therapy can make troubled marriages worse.
Why? It too often focuses on problems, hurts and other negatives. In her book, Discovering the Treasure of Marriage Dr. Cherry writes,
"Unless I first help them (the troubled husband and wife) learn how to like each other
again, they will not feel connected enough to each other and the marriage
to work
on the negative aspects" If a couple can find what they
cherished in their partner and genuinely like each other again, then they can
reconnect and "being to look at, resolve, and forgive past
hurts"(p.16).
Dr. Cherry teaches spouses to like each other again by teaching
them to treasure their husband or wife. Each letter in the word
T-R-E-A-S-U-R-E stands for positive thought or action we can take toward our
spouse to give them our heart and value them in our own.
T = Think Positively about your husband or
wife. Intentionally overlook irritating behaviors in him or her and focus
attention on what is good.
R = Respect your spouse. To respect means to
hold in high regard and treat with consideration and care.
E = Enjoy the company of your partner.
"Rejoice in the wife (or husband) of your youth" (Prov. 5:18).
Remember when pleasure and laughter was natural to the relationship? It can be
again.
A = Attend to the needs of your spouse,
serving them and offering genuine praise.
S = Shield your husband or wife from hurtful
words and behaviors (maybe even from you). "Love always protects" (1
Cor. 13:7).
U = Understand your spouse's needs. Give the
attention it takes to learn what those needs are. The golden rule for marriage
is: "Do unto others as
they need you to do."
R = Romance your mate. Think about your
spouse when you are apart and show love when you are together. When is the last
date you had together?
E = Edify your partner. "Encourage one
another and build each other up ..." (1 Thess. 5:11) ought to apply as
much to marriage as any other
relationship! One way to edify is to show appreciation. (Pp.66-76)
"Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also"
means we have
control over where we place our affection. We have the power to
decide to
give our husband or wife our positive energy. We can treasure them
and our
hearts will follow. The joy and pleasure that characterized the early
days
of our marriage can thrive today when we honor our spouse as
treasure from
Heaven.
In what ways do you treasure your marriage?
This post first appeared in my former blog, The Writer Today.